Greetings and welcome to my little listverse. I envisage this as being a well-versed and at times an inverse listverse or a listverse in verse. Here you will find a variety of lists of beautiful, interesting and funny things; lists of all kinds. It will also feature a few lists with my own distinctive style of pointing out the irony and contradictions in things. I see these as my satirilists: Pandora’s boxes where paradoxical little ironic springs jump out in sequence, one by one, to lambast prejudices, holy cows and taboos with iconoclastic bombast.
Now, you might think that doesn’t sound like fun. It sounds like more fun for me than it does for you. You will ask yourselves, why would you let me do that to you? It’s simple: it’s because I love you. It hasn’t escaped my notice that people are suckers for love. In fact, it was The Beatles themselves who have brought millennia of philosophical speculation about what is actually needed for a good life to an end, by declaring that it is all you need. What would people not do for love? Meatloaf will do anything for love, but he won’t do that, John Keats thinks we should have more love, more happy, happy love. Ed Sheeran will love you until you’re seventy. Lana del Rey is even better, she will love you til the end of time. Look at Brian Adams, he’d lie for you, he’d die for you. See, I’ve made an unwitting list of pathetic love songs already.
I’m here to say that mine is a greater love. Mine is a love that explodes like a firework out of a wedding cake, covering everyone’s face with such delightful sweetness. I’m here to say you can have it and eat it. My love for lists is a passionate love that makes Elizabeth Barret Browning look like she could only count on her fingers. If you’re a fellow listomaniac then this is the site for you. This is the moment when we lay our heads down and make a pillow book out of our pillow talk. When everything you cherish is duly considered, analysed and lavished with as many extra helpings of love as you want. I plan to be as thorough in my search for the real you as you are. My only aim to satisfy you, to make you happy.
So without further ado, I invite you to open my boxes of lovely presents. Each of them has been carefully selected to be a symbolic demonstration of my undying devotion. Where others only talk, I intend to show you just how much I love you. Yes, let me count the ways…